Sending Anti-Invites

There’s a growing trend in the wedding world, and it needs to stop: sending anti-invites.


Yes, it’s exactly what it sounds like. Instead of sending someone a lovely invitation to the big day, some couples are sending them anti-invitations to let them know that they are not, in fact, invited.


Before you gasp at the cruelty of such an action, you should know that in most cases, there’s no intention of being malicious or causing hurt feelings. On the contrary, couples are sending out these anti-invites as a way to avoid the awkwardness that can come from planning a wedding on a budget (and therefore having smaller venues, less money for food, etc.).


But while it may seem a thoughtful gesture to let friends know they were on your mind, it holds the potential to be far more destructive. Sending an anti-invite essentially means that this friend didn’t make the “cut” or wasn’t quite important enough to be invited. And while that may be true in a way, is it really necessary to announce that to them?


Most people these days understand the concept of being on a budget and wanting to have an intimate gathering for our big day. I don’t expect a college friend from years ago to invite me to her wedding when it’s been years since we last met. We might still be friendly, and while I might be happy for her successes in life, I understand when I’m not invited.


Past the fact that it’s unnecessary, sending out anti-invites just seems like a gateway drug for other unnecessary non-invitations. Many people share details of their daily lives via social media, like posting pictures of sonograms when they get pregnant, birthday celebrations, bachelor(ette) parties, weddings, and more.


We get a raise, we post about it. We have a party, we post about it. These events could all cause potential hurt feelings for those not invited. So should we send out anti-invites for them as well? Where do the anti-invites stop if more and more people send them out for their weddings?


Sending out anti-invites only serves to let friends know they are on the “B-list” or not as important as others, and that could cause resentment for years to come.


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